


With Love, James

by hsparker



Series: They Can't Take You Away From Me [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s, 40s music, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Depression, Love Letters, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Period-Typical Homophobia, War, World War II, rated for Bucky's language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-14 14:30:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11785107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hsparker/pseuds/hsparker
Summary: Bucky writes seven letters to Steve while he's deployed, talking about what life is like overseas, and asking him multiple times to write back. He never gets a response, but at least he finds out why.This is a spin-off from my other work Many, Many Crazy Things (Keep Me Loving You).Thanks for reading!





	1. March, 1942

_Baby,_

_I decided I'm not going to use your name in case anyone but you finds this. I don't want either of us getting in trouble. Anyways..._

_How are you doing? I've been at camp for a_ _while now, but I haven't gotten the chance to write._

_It's not too bad so far. The way we live is kinda gross. And I'm strained. I think of you when we're on the move because of your asthma. Im glad you're not here, though I miss you. They're hard on us, not that I'm complaining, but it wouldn't be good for you._

_You're probably still trying to enlist, which doesn't surprise me. I just wish you wouldn't._

_Have you seen my family recently? How's Becca doing in school? Has Robbie gotten a job yet? Are you still babysitting Mary? It's hard to believe she's nine already._

_I have so much more I want to say and ask, but I should probably get some sleep. It's rare I get more than a couple hours._

_I'll write again soon._

_With love,_

_James_


	2. April, 1942

_Baby,_

_Have you been listening to the radio lately? I heard a song the other day and thought of you. They play sappy shit at night, real quiet, when everyone's missing their families._

 

_You are always in my heart_

_Even though you're far away_

_I can hear the music_

_Of the song I sang with you_

 

_I was going to be gross and write more of the lyrics down but I was interrupted. Some of the guys found me and of course, they started asking questions. I said I was writing to my girlfriend. I hate it._

_How's the girls and Robbie? Ma and Pop? Please check on them when you can. You're always welcome in that house._

_I should head back now. I'm not supposed to stray from camp but I can't risk someone reading what I write._

_With love,_

_James_


	3. May, 1942

_Baby,_

_I found a new hiding place I won't get in trouble for being in. I doubt the guys will bother me here. I'm glad I've never used your name in a letter. It scares me now. The guys here joke about "fags" and killing them. It's horrifying. One guy said if he found out anyone in our infantry was queer he'd shoot them in their sleep. Everyone laughed. I didn't know what to do._

_Someone got hurt bad yesterday. We see death often, but rarely is it graphic_ _, rarely do we have to see someone suffer. But this guy got his arm blown off. Don't think he's going to make it very far. He's lost a lot of blood._

_That probably scared you, but I'm safe. I'm not stupid enough to run into a line of fire. Well, unless your stupid ass goes first, then I'd have to follow. So maybe I am stupid, but only when you're around._

_I'll try to write again soon. Reply when you can._

_With love,_

_James_


	4. July, 1942

_Baby,_

_I'm fucking tired. We've been on the move a lot lately. Things are heating up and I doubt I'll write very frequently anymore. This life ain't glamorous man. We've literally been carrying our shit around that so we can't be tracked. Our actual shit._

_We rarely sleep more than an hour at a time, sometimes in the rain, or on a rough trail using rocks as pillows, or in swampy grasslands. When we eat, it's usually on the move, but half of us don't even eat out of fear of leaving bread crumbs. We walk sometimes over twenty miles a day though. I would fucking starve._

_Are you even getting my letters? I had a thought today that scared me._

_Did you make it? Are you not replying because you're not getting my letters, and if so, does that mean you're in boot camp or something? And where are my letters going? They aren't being sent back to me._

_Let me know. And please write back._

_Happy birthday, baby_

_With love,_

_James_


	5. November, 1942

_Baby,_

_I need you. Please reply soon. I don't really know how to function anymore. I don't like how the war is changing me. I don't like the man I'm becoming. I feel like the only thing I have in common with the old me is my love for you and my family, but it's like I don't know any of you anymore._

_The only escape I have is writing to you and I never have the time anymore to do even that. We're moving, sleeping, or on watch. I'm usually not sleeping. I'm getting too paranoid to sleep. Plus it's damn freezing at night._

_Please write when you can. I know it's probably hard to get things sent but if you're sending them to the colonel I should get them when I'm at base, which is a couple times a month._

_With love,_

_James_


	6. February, 1943

_Baby,_

_Becca sent me a letter. She said my letters got sent to ma and pa's after you didn't pick them up. She said you're in boot camp, been gone for about a year. I can't believe it. She said they've been sending the letters to you in England and you should get them soon._

_I don't really know how to react but hopefully this means I'll see you soon, and you'll get my letters. Write back if you can. And stay out of trouble. Don't need you discharged because of poor judgement._

_On a better note, I'm learning how to fall asleep fast. But I'm still freezing my ass off most nights._

_With love,_

_James_


	7. August, 1943

_Baby,_

_Things are rough._

_We're getting sloppy and stupid, and it's getting people hurt. I've seen a lot of death these past couple months. I wish you were here, but I'm glad you're not. I feel like I'm changing. I'm still paranoid and I'm growing bitter. I may be broken, but I'm still crazy for you._

_What about you? Are you eating? Sleeping?_

_I miss your eyes. Your smile. I wish I could draw like you. I'd be drawing that face everyday._

_I thought I had time to write because I'm at base, but we're being sent out on a mission tomorrow morning. Something's going down in Azzano. I'll send this tonight and write again when I can._

_With love,_

_James_


End file.
